As humans, the relationships we form with other people are vital to our mental and emotional wellbeing, and really, our survival. Healthy relationships help make for a healthier life. Did you know that being in a committed relationship is linked to less production of cortisol, a stress hormone. Whether it’s having someone there to remind you to take your medicine, or having a partner to help take your mind off the pain, research suggests married people who have undergone heart surgery are three times more likely to survive the first three months after surgery than single patients.
If your spouse, friends or other loved ones encourage eating a healthy diet, exercising, not smoking, etc., you’re likely to follow in their footsteps. It’s a lot easier to take on healthy behaviors when you surround yourself with people who are doing the same. Being in a loving relationship, no matter what kind, can give a person a sense of well-being and purpose. In fact, it’s possible that having a sense of purpose can actually add years to your life!
Also, having healthy social relationships makes a bigger impact on avoiding early death than taking blood pressure medication or being exposed to air pollution. Sometimes having at least one good friend to help walk you through issues like social anxiety or depression can end up being more than worth it.
This is a fun way to develop or deepen a relationship: The series of questions below first appeared in the New York Times Modern Love section with the title: To Fall In Love With Anyone, Do This, written by Mandy Len Catron.
Directions: Partners alternate asking the questions. The person who asks the question answers first.
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
The author of the article in the NY Times on these questions has given a great Ted Talk that you can see here: Falling in love is the easy part.
To learn more about the ingredients for a great relationship click here.
